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Reflection on Easter


I have been way too quiet as of late with my blog. Things happen and often do which is why I not been writing my blog as much. I am now studying by distance for my bachelor’s degree in Health and Leisure. This term I am taking Management 100 and Recreation 167.

With Recreation 167, I am learning about leadership and communication. This is actually the course’s true title. In this course, we learn about leadership and styles of leadership. It also focuses on reflection as a huge part of the process of leadership so that we can become better in leadership roles figuring out what works best and what needs tweaking. Naturally I am very big on reflecting anyway.

It may seem like I am waffling a bit here but hopefully I will pull all these tangents together. A few nights ago I was talking with Adam about how many Easters we have had together. In fact, Adam and I met in person for the first time around Easter 2001. This would make our 15th Easter together.

Easter is a very special time for Christians because it is when Jesus rose from the dead giving us all an opportunity to have new life through Him. It also occurred to me that when I met Adam, I had no idea the opportunity that I had in front of me. I was not really looking for a soul mate yet I had come face to face with him even though I tried denying it and was scared at first to admit it to him because we had only met.

Easter is not about chocolates and boiled coloured eggs. Easter is about renewal to me. Everyday when I wake up, I face a new day with all its challenges and rewards. Lent is a time of reflection leading up to the great celebration of Jesus’ new life which He wants to share with us if we choose to accept it.

This Easter, I am reflecting on the greatest gift I received which is love. Love comes in so many different shapes and ways. It is platonic and it is familial. It is romantic and all encompassing. I am blessed with all sorts of love for which I am very thankful.

I have had the privilege to spend Easter in the Spring when living in the United States and in Autumn because I now live in Australia. I am sure there are quite a few people out there that have also experienced this. The time of year doesn’t really matter. It is the reflection that counts.

May your Easter be filled with love and awe. May you reflect the love which you are given and receive not just for Easter but every day of your life. This is my wish for everyone.

 

Feeling Frothy?


Frothy Coffee for the Morning Win!

Frothy Coffee for the Morning Win!

 

Yesterday Adam and I did the back lawn. I like to do yard work either earlier in the day or later in the afternoon especially in the hot months in Australia which is opposite of the northern hemisphere. Next month will be one of the hottest which happens to be Adam’s birth month. We are planning a trip to Hervey Bay Queensland for about 6 days. I will be driving us so I suspect another blog will come forth from this trip. I am digressing here but hang on, I will get back to topic.

I made an observation about us as we played in the surf. I like to make muggacinos. The best part of the cappuccino for me is the frothy milk. I enjoy using the spoon after I drink the milky coffee with lots of chocolate sprinkled on top to collect the dregs of froth which I cherish. As Adam and I cooled off in the surf of Safety Beach, I noticed how it resembled the froth that I so love to have. I was tickled with that image thinking that I was playing in frothy sea water that was cool and invigorating to me.

first glimpse of Safety Beach

The water was supposedly 25 C (77 F) but it felt more like 22 to me. It didn’t matter because we were so freaking hot. I used to get freaked out with the tide especially if the waves seemed to be tossers. When I say tossers, I am meaning that they look like they are full of sand. We tried body surfing but the surf wasn’t great. It just didn’t have the pull that it should have had. Not that I am an expert body surfer, I can barely swim but I am getting more confident as the years go on. If I can stand up waist deep and not freak out when a 3 ft wave is baring down on me it’s a great improvement. I used to be so scared. I am relishing how brave I am feeling now in the surf. Adam has even noticed it. He was surprised that I had gone out again.

When we were sitting on the edge of the water, I was looking out and saw a fish surfing the wave before it crashed. I was tickled to be sitting on the beach with the froth surrounding us both. The night before, I saw a shooting star. I was thinking to myself, how truly blessed I am. I not only get to have frothy coffee whenever I desire, I get to play in the frothy sea, and watch beauty around me.

Feeling frothy? Indeed I am and enjoying every moment! Please share your own frothy moment!Darkum Creek empties into the ocean

Parting Ways


 

Adam and I parted from Lisa yesterday. We knew it was going to happen at some point since she had things she needed to sort out before she comes out to visit us. It wasn’t an easy day for me and  I am pretty sure it was the same for Lisa. She was flying with Delta while Adam and I flew with United. It was pretty cool that her gate was right next to ours. She almost missed her flight to Atlanta so we didn’t get to hug. I suspect that was a good thing because if we had, I think I wouldn’t have let go.

Our two weeks together were pretty great. We were almost glued at the hip. I have never experienced this sort of connection with someone outside my family with the exception of Adam, even with him it took a little time because our friendship blossomed over time. We had conversed for many hours via the phone or ICQ. With Lisa though, it was different. Sometimes it’s hard to put this into words.

I went to bed on the 14th feeling very melancholy. I had been fighting off tears and finding it very hard to sleep because I knew what the 15th was going to bring. I always hate leaving family. Margaret and Judy I grew up with. It hurt to leave them too. I started crying as we pulled away from their place and headed out towards VPS. I wanted to be brave for Lisa. I didn’t want to break down and cry in front of her because she’s hurting too. She has lots of things to sort through. I am thankful though that we had two magical weeks together. We drove all the way from Huntington, West Virginia to Philadelphia, PA. We then drove from Philly to Crestview, Florida with a drop off in Augusta, Georgia for Sandy. I had always wanted to do a road trip and Lisa was great company as well as driver. I will never forget the fun we had and a few scares too with crazy drivers.

Lisa and I in the Altima

Lisa and I in the Altima

I am writing this on the 16th of June in Las Vegas at my eldest sister’s house. I know we will enjoy our 5 days here and then fly to Los Angeles for 4 days before we fly back to Australia. Yesterday was hard but aren’t we always parting ways in one shape or another? In this journey of life, I am beginning to realize that I am always parting ways with others. Sometimes the connections are very short but the ones with the most meanings are outstanding. They really impact you in your life. I can only speak about my own realizations. I firmly believe that things don’t happen without a reason. God sends us blessings in mysterious ways even when we are parting ways. God is love and love lasts forever.

Solitary Island Way


View of the Solitary Islands from Muttonbird Island

View of the Solitary Islands from Muttonbird Island

I was driving Adam and I home from our training in Coffs Harbour when I took the turn off for Woolgoolga and noticed the name change to the road we take to get us home. It’s called Solitary Island Way. This gave me an aha moment which I wanted to share with you today.

Today we heard a lot of things at training however I am not really wanting to share all the pearls of wisdom that I heard there because I am still processing everything in my own sort of way. Please bare with me as I muddle through my thoughts to express exactly what my aha moment sprang from. I am always searching inside myself wanting to improve things not only for myself but for those who are in my life. I was just driving when I thought about how sometimes we all feel like we are alone but in actuality we are all connected.

The Solitary Islands are on the eastern coast of Australia.  The Coffs Coast which is part of the Mid North Coast of New South Wales is also part of the Solitary Marine Park. You can see these islands dotting up and down the coast of the area where I live. I was thinking to myself today how alone I could feel about my life if I let myself fall into that trap but I have to take a look at the bigger picture. Things are not so black and white. We are only as alone as we make ourselves. If we reach out to others our sense of loneliness diminishes. We just have to watch our attitude because that is a key to impacting on others. If we have a can do attitude we will be able to do whatever we put our mind to. If we get in a rut and are happy to wallow in mediocrity, mediocrity is what we will sow.

I always love going to Muttonbird Island because I always see things in a different perspective. I am very blessed to live so close to Solitary Marine Park. I live in a country for the most part that values its environment. Australia isn’t perfect but I find that I am very blessed to call it home. I can choose to live a solitary life or I can choose to share what abundance I have been given be it a kind word or positive thought to someone I come across.

The Solitary Island Way may seem alone but it is part of a wonderful environment which impacts on every living thing it touches. Even a rock or grain of sand can make a difference to the world that it is in. Take a part of it away and it could impact something or someone else in a negative way.

May you find the blessing of another day and never feel alone. There is someone out there who needs to hear from you. You can be the difference to brighten someone’s day!

Be the rainbow and light the way to a better day!

Be the rainbow and light the way to a better day!

Photo Credit for lighthouse Michael Scott taken at Woolgoolga Lookout

Dreaming Of A White Christmas……..NOT!


Do you know how many years it has finally taken me to be comfortable with saying this? I would have to say a good 7. I never really had a white Christmas growing up in Louisiana but I eat white Christmas at Adam’s sister’s house when we go for Christmas celebrations.  I am pretty positive she will have a batch ready for us to take back home with us after our next visit which will be this weekend. Just encase you don’t know what White Christmas is, it is rice bubbles, glace cherries, and Copha mixed together sometimes with nuts if you like for texture. I know I am missing some other ingredients. It’s a lovely sweet treat. Oh Rice Bubbles is called Rice Krispies in the States because this cereal goes by other names. I never had this treat until I came to Australia.
White Christmas

Some people may think that what I am saying is a sacrilege. I know a majority of my readers are in the Northern Hemisphere and relish having a cold Christmas. Australia has a tendency to follow British tradition with a hot baked dinner but sometimes they do their own stuff. I love listening to Australian Christmas carols. I remember fondly my very first Christmas in Canberra with Adam’s family. I was so excited to be able to go swimming in the pool. I could never do that in the states it was too bloody cold. The pool wasn’t exactly warm but I was game to do it. It also helped I was tipsy too and determined to say I was in the pool on Christmas Day. Adam’s Dad got a great laugh when I came back in shivering and tipsy but ever so pleased with my dalliance in the pool. Adam refused after he put his toe in. He stood outside with me and listened to me while I splashed around. I didn’t stay in very long but I did boast to my sisters’ when I rang them on their Christmas day that I did swim on Christmas day.

This Christmas will be a quiet one. We are having our good friends the Jary’s come over for Christmas lunch. We’ll probably head down to the beach for the dogs to run on Mullaway beach. It’s suppose to be a very lovely day. It will be nice to be home for Christmas for a change. I have only had 3 Christmases in my own home since I moved to Australia. I am not complaining but there is just something special about being in your own house. 

I have never been one to really like cold weather. I know I was born in Alaska but we moved when I was 6 weeks old. I was then a southern raised lass. First two years were in San Antonio, Texas and then we moved to Leesville, Louisiana which I gladly call my hometown.  The majority of my life was in the South. Now I can really claim to be a Southern because I live in Australia which is in the Southern Hemisphere. All my seasons are opposite to what I was raised with and I can drive north to visit Adam’s sister but be reminded of Southwestern Louisiana where my dad grew up and we visited as a child as I pass the sugar cane fields heading up past Grafton.  I could almost imagine myself near New Iberia if it wasn’t for the dang mountains covered in Eucalyptus trees in the background.  It’s as if I was graced with everything I ever dreamed of since I discovered this great Southern Land which gave birth to my dream man and took me in with such love and compassion.

So no, I am not dreaming of a White Christmas that Bing Crosby sang about but I am dreaming of a White Christmas made with love for me and my darling by his beautiful youngest sister and her darling boy Jack. May you have a joyous Christmas and a wonderful New Year.

I leave you with this lovely Australian Christmas Carol I found on youtube!

Thanksgiving Yaussie Style


The majority of my life, I have lived it in the northern Hemisphere in the great state of Louisiana on the central west side. Thanksgiving Day always holds a very special place in my heart because it normally fell close to my mom’s birthday. I love my mom to bits. She was an amazing cook! Thanksgiving is a special time to be with family and friends. Any North American can identify with this wonderful holiday. It doesn’t matter if you are from Canada or the USA, you know what Thanksgiving is all about. The only difference is if you are Canadian you celebrate in October and if you are a native of America (USA), you celebrate it the 4th Thursday in November. Another special thing about Thanksgiving is that the two sisters I grew up with both married fellas whose birthdays also fall around this special day. Glenn was on the 25th of November and Eric is on the 28th which means this year is the actual day he shares it with the holiday.

When I first moved to Australia, I would still celebrate this holiday inviting friends over who didn’t quite get the special day. They didn’t really like the way I did the sweet potatoes with marshmallows but they ate politely. This year, I didn’t do a big Thanksgiving meal. I didn’t invite anyone over but I often think of my family across the world. As I type this blog, they are getting ready to get together and celebrate. They will watch the parades, eat turkey and football (not soccer or rugby but gridiron as the Aussie’s term American football). I will be with them in spirit and try to call.

It’s sort of strange trying to explain something that I grew up with to friends here. Adam gets it but we always seem to get each other. I always say I was made for him and vice versa. It is like trying to explain mate-ship or Anzac Day to Americans who would just have to experience it for themselves. Some people still might not get it which is what I found when I try explaining Thanksgivings Day to Australians. They get it but not quite.

Also, when I first started celebrating Thanksgiving in Australia, I would do it on Thanksgiving day Australia time but then I thought maybe I should do it on the actual day that Americans do because I would have the dinner on the same day as my family. I know this might seem strange to some that I was so wish-washy about it. It was also easy for people that I invited over to come over on the Friday instead of the Thursday.  It just made sense to me.

I am not feeling the best which is another excuse but I don’t see a point in doing a huge meal when it’s just me and Adam. We took our dogs to the beach and enjoyed our companionship.  I feel like I had an epiphany yesterday, which was my mom’s birthday (27th). I had been struggling with something for the longest time inside of me. I thought I had given it up long ago but I had a dream.

In this dream, I came to realize that I don’t need anyone’s approval to proclaim the Good News. I had felt the Lord had draw me towards Evanglisation when I was living in St. Marys. I went to classes to learn more and wanted to contribute more. I was well on my way to do this because I had finished a course on St Paul and it was as if the scales on my own eyes on my feeling of unworthiness fell away and I could see the greatest potential God wanted for me.  I just got side tracked is all. Someone asked me a question about something and I was honest with my answer.  This person was the one who I looked up to and felt mentored by. It was after my honest answer, that I was instructed that I could not teach for the School of Evangelisation because I needed to do something which I felt was unnecessary. She let me do more menial things. I could lead songs and write a piece for the newsletter but actually talk in front of people…. it just wasn’t allowed.  I wasn’t worthy enough in her eyes. My dream though had a mixture of God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit in it and my own mother and they told me that if I felt the need to speak the truth about Him there was nothing to stop me.  I didn’t need a sanction from the church to do God’s work. I just had to be lead by the Holy Spirit.

God has a way if you are open to Him. It may not be the way you may have ever imagined but if He wants you to do something, you will do it with His guidance on His time table not yours.

I am thankful for the opportunities the Lord has put my way. I know I am not perfect but I strive to love like He does, with acceptance and compassion. Lots of forgiveness and openhearted, with anticipation of what He has in store for me. He has given me a unique family and some very wonderful friends (Shauny G and Bishop Eddie Tatro, and Rachie from WordPress a huge hug too from me). I will try and give thanks not just because it’s Thanksgivings Day but because He has given me another day to simply BE!

My First Memories of God


If you don’t believe in God, that’s ok. He still believes in you. I know how silly it may seem to an unbeliever. I am not writing this to chastise the unbeliever but to maybe give them a clue about why I so fervently believe in God. I can thank Kozo Hattori for this blog because his post on 15 September started me on this train of thought. He posed a question about first memories of God and wanted comments but what I have to say will eventuate into a blog all on it’s own.

I was raised Roman Catholic. My very first memories were of going to church with my family. I am closest to my sisters Judy and Margaret because we were raised together. Michele, Aggie, Roberta, and Chuck were out of the house by the time we moved to Louisiana. Kevin left us when I was about 5 years old. He got married I think when I was 11. I know the month was June of 1978. I feel closest to him brother wise even though it’s been almost 30 years since I have seen him face to face. I feel as if I am digressing but I also feel this is sort of pertinent to understanding me.

We three girls were more than sisters. We still are close friends and confidants. We feel quite comfortable having discussions about God and spirituality. We could also thank our mom for this too because God was always the center of her world, followed by us and dad.

One of my first memories of God I was outside on Vernon Lake Road in our front yard playing with Judy. I am not sure about my age. I could have been three or five. We were just talking about all sorts of things. I know it was before I ever went to kindergarten. We were looking at a caterpillar. Judy was saying that it was going to turn into a butterfly one day. I looked up at the sun closing my eyes feeling the warmth of it. Seeing the images of Judy’s face and the caterpillar in all the different colours I had an aha moment. I thought about the creator, God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit because that is what I was taught. It’s hard to put these sensations into words because it is hard to remember exactly but the residual is He is real. He created everything.

As the years go by and I get older, sometimes doubt creeps in. It’s at these moments when the doubt seems to stifle the feelings of wonder of God, I get little reminders of how special this world is and everything that is in it. We take things for granted.  I hold on to the inner child I have and try to let her out a lot. I love those aha moments when they come. I share them a lot on WordPress.

Throughout my spiritual journey, I have often gone to courses where I have had these aha moments. I know I am being called to being a really big work that I have already shared on my blog about the Catechesis of the Good Shepherd. One day, I hope to have started one or help start one. I am struggling with self-doubt but I know one day I will make it happen. I do believe that we are lucky to start out as little children full of wonder and awe because compared to God we are just little children. He is always there with us even when we think we are all alone. He sends special people to us in our most dire times to help us on our journey of life. We might think things will turn out one way. The reality of the situation may be even beyond what we ever expected.

Little children are wise. They are believers in magic. We all have magic inside ourselves. Children seem to see more than us so called adults. We can learn lots of things by being with little children. They can make us see more aha moments than we ever thought we could see for ourselves.

Thank you Kozo, and Jett for sharing your thoughts on God. It was a true pleasure listening to your wisdom! To listen to the pearls of wisdom given by the Hattori family please use this link: http://everydaygurus.com/2013/09/15/god-is-in-your-poop-and-pee/

What Love Is All About


The title of the song that I wrote for Adam was a wedding present that was played when we lit the unity candle that I wanted for our ceremony. This song is a collaboration of sorts with Paul Nimmo who at the time was in Australia while I was in Louisiana.  I asked if he could put my melody to music. He took up the challenge and you will get to hear the song. I sang the song acapella using my computer. He did the piano as well as mixing the sounds you hear. I think he did a wonderful job.

What Love Is All About by Dianna Louise Miller for Adam William Morris

 Sometimes it’s rough

But with you by my side it’s not so tough.

You’re the one I want to share

With everything and everyone I know.

Life is never easy

But sharing things with you lightens the load.

This is what love is all about

Sharing, caring, and knowing in the end there’s one constant in your life.

When two hearts become one

There’s magic and it will never come undone

As long as the two remember to share because they are one.

I cherish you for all you are.

You’re everything that I could want:

Forgiving, and giving, strong, generous, understanding, and true.

I see so much of Christ in you.

This is what love is all about

Sharing, caring, knowing in the end there’s one constant in your life.

When two hearts become one

There’s magic and it will never come undone

As long as the two remember to share because they are one.

One more thing to share with you

I thank God for all He has done for me and you

He started us on different paths

We thought we’d never met our half to make us whole

But now I know He works in such mysterious ways.

Although our beginnings are world apart

He brought us together and now we’ll journey forth in this world as one.

And this what love is all about

Sharing, caring, and knowing in the end there’s one constant in your life.

When two hearts become one

There’s magic and it will never come undone

As long as we remember to share because we are one.

It’s 11 years now since we have made our commitment to each other. It has been the best 11 years of my life. As the years go by, I think back about where we were, where we are and where we are going. I always dreamed of finding him. Believe me, we don’t have a perfect relationship but I can’t imagine my life without him in it. He gives me strength. He inspires me. He makes me a better person. I would like to think that I have that sort of influence on him. I never in a million years thought I would have someone who makes me this happy. He knows me better than I know myself. It almost feels like a modern fairy tale come true. I have to pinch myself to make sure I am not dreaming but the reality of Adam and Dianna is very much real.

I know that I am blessed with a really wonderful partner. He spoils me rotten and I try to spoil him too. We have our moments but I do know that no matter what, he loves me and I would have to do something pretty horrible to wreck what we have. I would have to be insane to do that. I swear I was made for him.  Here’s a few photos to highlight the years we have had together.

My very first birthday in Australia about 15 days before we got married in Canberra.

My very first birthday in Australia about 15 days before we got married in Canberra.

The two Mr. and Mrs. A. Morris 29/6/2002 Val, Adam, Dianna, and Athol Morris

The two Mr. and Mrs. A. Morris 29/6/2002 Val, Adam, Dianna, and Athol Morris

Auntie Jean, Adam and me on our first wedding anniversary at China Tea Club where we had our 'rehearsal dinner" the previous year.

Auntie Jean, Adam and I on our first wedding anniversary at China Tea Club where we had our “rehearsal dinner” the previous year.

111Adam and I at the Valley of the Kings Maui Hawaii 29/6/2012

I know that life is full of ups and downs but as my song says when two hearts become one it is magic and it will never come undone as long as the two remember to share, because they are one! I thank God for Adam and I pray that you too may get to experience the joy of love in all the magnificent forms it comes in!

45 and feeling fine


Di 45 and 2 daysTwo days ago I turned 45. Yes, that’s a big old cold sore on my bottom lip which I wish I could just erase but sometimes when I stress too much I get those. I was going to blog on my birthday about turning 45 but I have been busy this last week with a temp job which has actually gotten me out of my comfort zone. I had forgotten how fun it was to actually be out of the house and doing things even if it was just data entry. This is the first time since last Monday that I have actually gotten a decent amount of time to do something with my own desktop. I tried taking pictures hiding my ugly cold sore but you know what, that is just my vanity getting the better of me.

I got my haircut yesterday which I like. I used to like it long but as I get older, I find that I like having it shorter. I think it keeps me looking younger as well. The upkeep is easy. As you can see I am in my favorite colour. I am a passionate person and think purple is a passionate color.  There is a watercolor on the wall behind me which is of one of my favorite Australian birds: Kookaburras. 

My husband and I were both born as summer babies. He was born in February and I was born in June. Now I know what you are thinking but I am not lying. I was born in the Northern Hemisphere where June is warm bringing summer to a start. He was born in the Southern Hemisphere where February is the middle of the summer season. The water is just about perfect for a swim in the ocean. It has taken me a while to get used to having a cold birthday. I guess it really isn’t that cold but it is a far cry from being able to have fresh peaches on my birthday which my mom used to treat me with.  Last year, I had my first hot birthday in 9 years when we went back to the states to visit family. It was a fantastic trip which I am so happy we did. I have really great memories of New Mexico and of course, meeting my older siblings and some of their own children in Las Vegas on the 18th of June, 2012. I am glad that I didn’t die that night but if I had, I don’t think I could have been any happier at the time. We ended our USA trip by going to Maui which was AMAZING for our tenth wedding anniversary. 

I try to be the type of person who stays positive but sometimes it’s a huge struggle. I hope I get to live another 45 years but if I don’t, at least I can say I gave things a go. I get scared and sometimes let my fear stop me but I know if I want to live I have to persevere. I have to go out of my comfort zone. I need to make sure not to hurt anyone in my life, try to help to make this a better place to live in because if I don’t make an effort, who will? Geeze, I didn’t mean to get so preachy there.

Turning 45 isn’t so bad, it’s just a number. I know I may not have a perfect body but I love the skin that I am. I really love the person I am becoming and hope that the impact that I make on others is positive. I know I have a very blessed life. I was born into a very loving family which has a really cool dynamic. I am married to the man of my dreams (Literally, I am not exaggerating.) Even with my blessings though, I wonder about what could be or could have been but I am learning in my life, it’s the moments that make it great. Every last detail whether it be bad or good, it impacts on me. It makes me who I am and it is I who choose how I will make changes to myself, which things to hold on to and which to throw away. It’s a pretty cool concept.

I know I have a tendency to over think but that’s what makes me who I am. I thank God for that and the way He helps me filter through all the crap. I am a huge believer in signs. I can be over sensitive, shy, overbearing, over the top, but it’s just me being me and that’s the best way I can be! I don’t want to be anyone else. 

We all have paths to choose and how we choose them make us unique. I thank God for the diversity of the universe.  

I am proud to blog I am 45 and feeling fine for the most part. I would look better without that cold sore but it’s only temporary. Just like I am, temporary but happy to be alive and feeling fine.

 

A Blessed Life


Everyday is a blessing. I truly believe that statement. I often sit and go about my day thinking to myself not really voicing what is going around in my over active imaginations because frankly not everyone needs to hear my thoughts although Adam is always asking me what’s going on inside my head. The man not be able to see but he knows me too well. He knows when something inside me is bubbling up and about to explode to the surface.

The past few days I have been a bit edgy. It doesn’t really take much to get me to wanting to bite somethings head off. (I feel like Alice Cooper or Ozzie Osbourne is trying to possess me.) I have this rage inside me that I need to expel so this is why I have decided to write all this crap out bring it to the surface, let it spill onto the webpage for the entire world to see so that I can exorcise the beast out of my system once and for all but I have a feeling it will happen yet again as it is apt to do most especially when someone makes a statement such as: You will never understand. You don’t have kids.

The statement is true to a certain degree but this sort of generalization really burns me up. It makes me so angry. It makes me question myself as a person. Am I less of a person because I haven’t given birth to a child? It’s something that I have always wanted but it hasn’t happened. I have no desire to go for infertility treatment or IVF. I am a firm believer in if it is meant to happen it will happen. I also know I could go the route of adoption or fostering but a part of me thinks that maybe I am not good enough because I was not able to conceive. I know that isn’t true. I probably would make a very good foster-mother because I have a very kind heart. I always dreamed of being a mother. Sometimes though I am glad that I haven’t been pregnant. I won’t get to experience the pain of having to let go of my child.  I can remember when Margaret was pregnant with Cassie. It was so beautiful watching her baby move inside her and feel her kicking. I can imagine the feeling but I will never experience it in this life. I am not experiencing life the way other people are blessed with children but then again, they aren’t experiencing my life either. Some may never get to know the kind of love that I have with Adam.

I’ve heard that having a  child can make a marriage different. It changes it in such a way that you never really know until it happens to you. I am not going to see any fruit from my marriage to Adam because we haven’t created a new life but in our own sort of way, we have created a life together that is hard to express. I am content with my life with Adam. He’s not your typical bloke. He is sensitive and caring. He can bug the shit out of me and motivate me. I feel as if we make a really great team. I always wanted to find someone I could totally be myself with. I can’t put up walls with him because he knows when I am trying to do that. It’s like he has this inbuilt bulldozer to knock down the barrier I am trying to create. I would be foolish to even try to create such a buffer to him. There is no need for such a creation when you truly love someone who loves you back. There is such transparency between us that I find it hard to believe that other couples don’t have this. They choose to keep parts of themselves separate from their partner. I did that once in another marriage and found it to be exhausting.

I have a very blessed life with a very special man. We may not add to the population of the world but in our own ways, we try to impact our world with positivity and compassion. We reach out to family and friends when they need us in our special ways.

Even with the tragedy that strikes from natural causes or man-made destruction there is something about humanity that still shines through. There is a positivity and  compassion to help others that are less fortunate than ourselves. I don’t think it comes from trying to be better than the other person; it comes from recognizing the vulnerability of ourselves through the ones who have suffered the tragedy. There is inherent goodness in us all and we all have a blessed life whether we are called to be parents or uncles or aunties or friend.