Perfecting Peace in Relationships
Kozo has put out a really wonderful peace challenge for the month wanting people to express themselves about creating peace at home. I find myself wanting to do at least one peace blog a month now. He has put out many great suggestions as to how to do the post that he is wanting us to share. I do have a song that I wrote and sung in collaboration with a really talented musician but I am not going to put that into this blog. I was wanting to share it later on towards the end of June for my anniversary of marriage to Adam which I will do. I mention this as a teaser of sorts because I feel that love is one of the best motivators for peace in our lives. Today’s blog is going to be a sort of advice column on the 5 things that I think make a peaceful relationship and 4 things to do to become a better partner. The five things that I want to share all go hand in hand. The order of importance can change depending on the situation. I sat down, put my thinking cap on, and these were the top five things I thought were most important in making a peaceful relationship.
- Effective Communication How can you have a relationship with someone if you are not speaking to them? If you are speaking with them and speaking over them is this effective communication? I certainly don’t think that is what effective communication is about. Debate can be very good and healthy in a relationship but you must know when it is best to do my next suggestion of my top 5 list which is:
- Compromise In a relationship one of the best things to know is when to compromise on a situation. You are standing at a crossroad and don’t know where to go. The other person might not see things exactly as you do but you want to do the better of two evils or goods what ever you case maybe. Together you two might be able to compromise on a situation creating a solution which is sound and valid.
- Trust Trust is something that is so hard to gain once it is lost but easy to gain and keep if you follow my next thing on my list which is:
- Honesty Why should someone trust you if you can not be honest with them? One of the things that I strive to do in my relationships is to be honest and trustworthy. If you end up lying constantly or neglecting to tell some one the entire story, you will end up underpinning one of the key foundations in a relationship and that is trust. You would be wiser to be honest because there is no need to keep up the lies if you are honest with the person in the first place. Surely you would want the person you are in relationship with to treat you with honesty because that is the way you want to be treated.
- Selflessness Now you may not agree with me on this one, but I find that trying to be selfless is one of the most effective ways to create peace in a relationship. You might be thinking I am a bit insane but I stand by what I say. I truly feel that being selfless with someone you are in a relationship with is so rewarding because you are seeking to put them above yourself. I am not saying be a doormat. There are times when you must be able to stand up for yourself but if the relationship is working towards the same goal it’s not very likely that you are going to be used as a doormat. It’s more likely that the person you are in relationship values you and wants to keep you in their life.
I truly feel that these 5 things can make a peaceful relationship. If you were to look at some of the great minds of our time you will see these 5 qualities in them. The people I think who give wonderful examples of living this way are Mother Teresa of Calcutta, Ghandi, Nelson Mandela, and the Dalai Lama. I have come across people in my own life that have instilled these beliefs in myself. I would cite my own mother who looked to God because in He is the greatest example of all. My husband is another person who I feel lives by these 5 things.
Now for the top 4 things to do to become a better partner which I think are essential and go hand in hand with each other as well as with perfecting peace in relationships.
- Listen Sometimes the person only wants you to listen to what they are saying. They are not expecting you to create the solution they just need a sounding board. I have noticed this mostly with my sister or niece when they want to destress. Adam is a great listener to me and I try to listen to him in the same way he does for me.
- Put yourself in their shoes I am a big believer in this step. If you can put yourself or mindset into their frame of thinking you will create a more peaceful setting.
- Apologize when you KNOW you were WRONG Eating humble pie isn’t the easiest thing to do, but admitting you were wrong when you know you were can certainly defuse situations. You partner may not be the sort of person to do this but at least you will feel better about yourself and how you treat your partner if you do this suggestion.
- Know when to give your partner space There are times when togetherness is wonderful but sometimes, you just need to be on your own. If you feel or are told that you partner needs space, then by all means listen to them or your intuition and leave them alone. When the time is right, they will open up to you when they feel ready. Pushing them into sharing isn’t going foster peace in your relationship, it’s going to foster tension or resentment.
These are my top five tips for perfecting peace in relationships and top four tips of how to be a better partner in your relationship. I may not have all the right answers for you but I do find that these things have helped me forge some long-lasting relationships as well as develop a marriage with a really amazing bloke who I treasure.