A Family Affair


Last night I was watching tele as I normally do as well as goofing off with my mobile phone sort of reading word press on commercials when I read something that my good friend, prayingforoneday, posted about. It brought up a lot of old memories for me. It had to do with hate. I can honestly say that I can only think of one person in my life that I have hated. I keep praying to God to take the hurt from me. I know I have to let it go so that it doesn’t eat me alive. I thought I had done that but nope, I haven’t. I could tell it hadn’t by the way I expressed myself to prayingforoneday in an email.

He was speaking of hate on a global scale but for me, I looked at it on a more personal term because I can’t change the world globally but I can change my own world by my actions and deeds with others.

I want to be a better person. I want to be able to say that I love that person who hurt me so. I guess he had his reasons but he also had a choice. It can not be undone. I can not say that I love him. I suppose in some ways I do but mostly when I think about him I think relief that he is gone. I am happy that he won’t be able to do what he did to me to any other person. He won’t be able to infect another child with his perversion.

I suppose what gets me the most is that it was someone I was supposed to trust and love unconditionally. For some reason, it’s been placed on my heart to share this story. I like to think I am a better person because I try not to dwell on it. I think I have moved on but now I am questioning if I have truly moved on. I am struggling with letting go. There is nothing he can do to me now. He’s long gone.

I guess my message is this: if you have been touched in a manner that you aren’t comfortable with speak up. Do not let it take control of you. My sister and I spoke to our mother about what happened. She suggested we were never to be alone with him. She also suggested that we weren’t to tell our father because we wanted to protect him from what was going on. Looking back now on things, I wonder if he too had been touched inappropriately but I can’t go back. I can only move forward.

These events happened ages ago. It almost feels like 2 lifetimes. I don’t have children. In some ways, I find this a blessing because I don’t want to have to raise a child in a world where they can not be safe. They won’t be exposed to the perversion that can occur.

I will leave you with this song which I meant to dedicate to prayingforoneday and  Firsttimefreedom but I went on my own tangent. This song came out before or around the time prayingforoneday was born and ages before Firsttimefreedom was born but I want to dedicate it to them. They both inspire me a lot.

Thanks for reading and God bless you!

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About yaussiechick

Dual citizen of Australia and America loving life and wanting to share my love of writing and life with others.

Posted on March 12, 2013, in Music, Narrative, Random and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. Definitely going to share on twitter!

    Great post!

    Sent from my iPhone 5.

  2. You’re not alone in your battle with that “hate”. I am a Survior of sexual trauma/abuse myself the hate went on for years until I realised that the more I continued to hate X the more power X still had over my life. I will one day soon make a post about it. Most likely when I start the Devotional Series on Hurt and Pains.. Good post and great song came out round the same time I was hatched too! 😉

    • I know what you mean about the hate! I like to think I am a loving person. In regards to that though, forgiveness comes but it sort of feels like a yo-yo. I need to reflect more on Christ’s example of love. He’s just awesome!

  3. prayingforoneday

    THIS!!! Is why I like you so much, and am glad to call you a friend.
    I didn’t mean to upset you, and my issue as you say, is about Global thing.
    I hate corporate greed, the 1% getting super rich, while we struggle in our individual countries, loving from pay day to pay day.

    I said you were Brave a few weeks ago for moving from the USA to where you are now, and I stand by that statement, to change your whole life = Being brave.

    What you just did here, I hope is get something off your shoulders and let it go.
    That is what I did with a similar story to you and Rev. Eddie. (The three of us should have a Skype call one night, if we can) I think it would be something.

    I had no idea you carried this, we are friends, and the last thing I would ever do is hurt you, or make you sad. So I did feel bad for bringing this emotion out, but turn the coin around, you have got it off your chest so to speak. You have said it out loud, challenged the fear, whatever, the hate issue also, and HEAD ON!!! Dealt with an issue I know now hits you hard. It hit me hard when I knew why you disliked hate.
    We all dislike hate. But I said it in an email, if you allow someone, or something to let hate in, you almost turn into hate, or are always afraid of hate. So by being brave, again, and doing the brave thing you do, you have told that hate to “Fuck Off” for use of a better word.
    You can now, I pray, move on, and not allow all forms of hate to allow this story to bring fear to you.

    I am proud of you, I love you like a sister, you have my unconditional friendship and love as a friend.
    And my circle of close friends just got bigger. x2 over the last few months.

    I believe everything happens for a reason. I speak to both you and Rev. Eddie most from WordPress, on Skype, and I love our chats, or you two listening to me being a goofball. But there is a REASON we all met.
    One day soon, it will become clearer. I know why I met Rev. Eddie, he is helping me with my questions over God. And if your meeting me, and me talking about hate has helped, then we are all better off

    I am away to turn Skype on
    I am so proud of you x

    Shaun xx

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