Struggling With Doubt
Life is a journey. Where it takes you depends all on your outlook and adaptability. Let me take you on a little journey that I am struggling with and that is doubt. I believe in God but that doesn’t mean that I don’t doubt at times. I believe that there is such a thing as free will. God loves us so much that He wants us to love Him back but He wants us to do it willingly. He loves us unconditionally and wants us to love Him back the same way.
I was raised Roman Catholic. I try to do the right thing. I strive to do better but I fail more often than succeed. I have gone to bible studies. I have attended spiritual conferences and formation seminars. I strive to let the light of God shine through me but lately I have felt like a failure. I feel unworthy yet I want to do something that I feel so strongly about which I think God is calling me to do but I keep backsliding.
There is nothing wrong with doubt. When I was doing training for my certificate three in scripture teaching for the Diocese of Parramatta I learned that it is only natural.
If we fail to question, [then] our faith cannot leaven our everyday life and we do not meet God in the ordinary events. Gerard Hughes God Where Are You?p. 73.
There was a lot of soul-searching in that course but I have to confess, everyday I do soul-searching. I don’t mind at all because I like to think if I am not searching, trying to change and be open to the person I am suppose to be; I am not evolving into the person God wants me to be.
Then I wonder if I am rushing things trying to do things as I want and not as God wants. I keep telling myself that I have to do things and remember that if it’s meant to be, it will be in God’s time. It’s this see-saw that keeps me in the back slide.
I need to persevere and remember that adage I made up in that course when I had to fill in the line which said Faith is like…
Faith is like an ocean tide with its highs and lows but it is always there.
Where there is faith; there is also doubt. It is with hope that I also walk by.
By the end of the course I came to this conclusion. God is love. Where there is love, there is God. The calling that God has for me is still growing inside me. I just need to find others who hear this calling to help me along this journey.
Posted on February 20, 2013, in Narrative, Spirituality, Uncategorized and tagged Christianity, doubt, evolving, faith, God, highs and lows, hope, love, religion, spirituality, struggle. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.